Bluebeard IV
Welcome back! We’re going through Charles Perrault’s original Bluebeard story, helpfully providing him with some hot takes. We’ll see if it helps–he has yet to take my advice, for some reason. Last time, we left off with Bluebeard’s wife's sister begging Bluebeard not to be so murdery?
Let’s continue!We begin with Bluebeard being a goofy drama boy: “You must die, madam,” he says. “At once!” He must be a glutton for hamster wheels, because what he’s doing is destined to repeat itself over and over again, but, okay. Unfortunately, he’s proven himself to be a very stereotypical psychopath, and it may be useless to try and figure out his thought patterns. (Stay tuned for my “Behind the Blue Beard” expose on his motivations and desperate, depressed inner life! You may have to stay tuned for a bit, hold up.)
Second Daughter goes from petrified to resigned in a snap—seemingly. With “eyes bathed in tears”, she asks him for a sec to say her prayers. CP’s morals are pretty clear; at least twice in his stories he’s forestalled imminent death so that his characters could make their peace with God. Likely a 17th century thing? I mean, not that I’m not for that, but it’s not something I see characters in modern death stories begging for.
Bluebeard allows this, showing that his heart must be a bit of a softer rock (or at least that, while psychopathic, he does see some sort of moral order. Or it’s a caprice, either way). He says that she can take “Half a quarter of an hour—but not one moment more.” Well, someone went to fractions school! An eighth of an hour is seven minutes and thirty seconds. I have to assume he’s going to be standing there, staring at his pocketwatch while she prays. But he doesn’t—at least, not onstage. He leaves the room, which seems like an odd way to monitor your clearly desperate wife, but perhaps it’s a PowerPlay.
She’s alone, so she calls out for her sister. Now, those paying attention to CP’s prose may notice that Second Daughter’s sister has not been referred to explicitly since much happier times—about a month ago, when Bb was still flirting with both of them and their mom. Sure, there was a crowd of friends and family staring at the tapestry in Bluebeard’s treasure room a bit ago, but a lot has happened since then, and I (perhaps incorrectly) assumed that the guests showed themselves out. Clearly this wasn’t the case, because First Daughter comes immediately when Second Daughter calls. SO. The guests were all there while Second Daughter discovered the murder chamber? They’re still in the house? Why didn’t Second Daughter go seek protection in numbers when she realized her husband was a murderer? Or did only First Daughter stick around, perhaps for explicable reasons, or possibly only so she could further the plot? Also, I thought that the entire village was petrified at the mere thought of Bluebeard’s blue beard. Hasn’t somebody realized that the terrifying master is home? Why isn’t everyone running out of the house screaming? Most of all the about-to-be murdered wife? I digress.
Anyway, First Daughter comes running when Second Daughter calls, which also implies that Bluebeard isn’t within earshot or that there’s a second door to wherever Second Daughter is staying, but, whatever, I get that CP isn’t big on believable logistics in his fairytales (Note to CP: Would still be v much appreciated). Or, Bluebeard’s an idiot, and Second Daughter is very lucky, and First Daughter may be psychic.
First Daughter is also the one character in the tale to get a real name, per Chaz’s weird convention. Her name is Anne.
Second Daughter directs Anne to go to the top tower of Bluebeard’s mansion and check to see if their brothers are en route. First up: Their brothers, as far as we know, did not exist up until this point. Secondly: Why would they be coming? Unless the word was spread about Bluebeard’s tapestries and the brothers just didn’t show up when the rest of the crowd did, we’re unaware of any reason why the boys would be riding that way. If some crucial invite or call for help occurred earlier in the day – that would have needed to be mentioned. (Note to CP: Come on.)
Anne went up to look, and the tallest tower must be within shouting distance, because Second Daughter yells up to her for updates. Anne eventually reports that she can’t see the bros en route.
Bluebeard waits for this information to be relayed before walking up to the other side of the door with a “great saber” (okay) and screams at Second Daughter that she should “come down instantly, or [he] would come up to [her].” Classic lose-lose situation, amirite. Except—Second Daughter—Anne was able to get out of the room (unless Second Daughter just screamed her request at her, which, weird) and run up to a different part of the house, so, why didn’t you; and, unless this Very Great Mansion has paper-thin walls, you’ve got to be yelling out of a window or something to reach her at the top of the tallest tower, in which you are not. Climb out of the window. Even if you just cling to the windowsill, that’s a better chance for survival than what Bluebeard is offering.
Anyway, Second Daughter feels comfortable enough in her situation to ask Bluebeard for a moment to delay making the choice about the precise location of her stabbing, and asks Anne for an update about the horizon. Anne, still perched up in that tower, yells down that there’s maybe a cloud of dust in the distance?
Bluebeard reiterates that if Second Daughter doesn’t come down soon, he’s going to come up and kill her, no big.
Second daughter says that she’s on her way, and then (“very softly”, lol) shouts at Anne again for an update. Now—the cloud of dust is growing bigger and nearer. Classic. Second Daughter asks Anne for an impossible interpretation – if the nearing cloud is her brothers.
Anne responds with clutch, if disappointing, info: It’s a flock of sheep. Womp womp.
Bluebeard’s getting impatient, meanwhile.
But wait! Now Anne sees two horsemen on the horizon! They’re still far away, but everyone (except Bluebeard, who is notably and impossibly out of the loop) is very happy about this. I don’t see it. Unless the Two Daughters can continue to stall Second Daughter’s murder, an event which already should have happened about two half-quarter-hours ago, the brothers will not show up in time.
But the Second Daughter sees no problem with this. She plans to “make them a sign, as well as I can for them to make haste.” Wait. If she’s going to make them a sign, then presumably the brothers will be able to see…wherever she’s posting the sign, which, unless the Second Daughter has completely horrible planning skills, must be accessible from where the Second Daughter is standing right now, captive as she is. Through the basic law of “if I can’t see you, you can’t see me,” she should be able to see/get to a place where she can see the incoming cloud of dust/her brothers, right? In which case—why was Anne’s help necessary? Just to get a better view?
But! Before she can act on this weird impulse, Bluebeard shrieks at her again, and this time (another weird impulse) she decides to obey. She probably realized she was delaying the inevitable—but then, didn’t she just get a whole impossible sense of hope from realizing that her brothers were visible in the distance? Shouldn’t her strategy have been to stall? But, idk, she’s probably manic at this point. I would be.
“This means nothing,” remarks Bluebeard when he sees her; I can’t tell what he’s replying to, and it doesn’t matter. “You must die!” (This matters more.) He picks her up by her hair (rude) and poises his handy machete by her neck with the other hand. Oh, goodness, if we’re about to get a last minute save improbably on time by the brothers, just because Bluebeard’s hesitating like a goofy drama boy, I am going to be very cross. Happy for Second Daughter, but cross.
But, wait, Second Daughter asks him for another second to make her peace with her maker.
Bluebeard’s like, nah.
At JUST THIS MOMENT (I hate everything), there was “such a loud knocking at the gate, that Bluebeard made a sudden stop.” (If he was touching his machete to her neck, mightn’t this have been fatal?) Someone opens the gate (Bluebeard needs a better screening system) and the bros run right in and straight to Bluebeard. (Was he doing all of this in his front courtyard or something?! Because context clues and the direction given throughout all of this stalemate ‘come down here and I kill you’ discussion did not make it sound like Second Daughter was, like, within view of the front door).
Conveniently, Bluebeard (unlike us) recognizes Second Daughter’s bros at first sight. He also knows that one of them is a musketeer and the other is a dragoon.
Google just helped me figure out that a “dragoon” is a soldier, and a musketeer is a soldier with a musket. Good to know. So two soldier bois come running at Bluebeard’s horribly planned murder, and….
Killed him. Good riddance, I suppose. He wasn’t a very complex character, honestly. (Again, stay tuned for my fleshed out and consequently believable rewrite.)
Second Daughter’s on the floor, apoplectic, etc. But! Once she feels a bit better, everything seems peachy: She’s inherited her husband’s estate. Yay! She uses part of it as a dowry for Anne, who gets to marry very well (and for love, it seems. Double yay!). She uses the other parts of it to get her brothers promoted and marry herself to a guy she likes; and everyone lives happily ever after.
Now for my favorite bit: the moral. Paraphrased as per usual.
Moral One: Curiosity isn’t always helpful, basically. You can’t un-know things. The enjoyment of having learned something isn’t always worth knowing it.
Moral Two: “Apply logic to this grim story, and you will ascertain that it took place many years ago.” Thanks, CP. Moving on: No husband in today’s era would treat his wife like this. “For, whatever the color of her husband’s beard, the wife of today will let him know who the master is.” Again, the first moral seemed like an okay, if rather lackluster, lesson, and then the second is like…sure? I mean, I kinda believe in the whole ‘equal partnership’ thing between spouses, but if you’re going to paint a picture of The Wife Who Rules The Roost, then, fine. Also, abusive couples exist today/then, too, but….whatevs.
And thus we’re done with Bluebeard. Not as enjoyable as Sleeping Beauty, tbh.