Project Waterbear Adoption Saga: Open vs. Closed Adoption
The most frequent question we get is whether we’ll have an open adoption arrangement – which is a fair query! Another mom is going to give genes and birth to our baby, so what happens afterwards?
The answer starts with The Adoption Triad and ends with some mythbusting.
In adoption, two families love the child. One is the biological family, and one raises the kid.
What does open adoption mean? Well, closed adoption means that the birthmomma gets zero contact with her child after giving him/her up. Sealed birth records. No letters or photos on birthdays. No way to seek connection later in life. That kind of arrangement was very common a few decades ago. Agencies describe that experience as a “psychological amputation” that persists every day.
Chances are that she’s a young girl who is scared and feeling sick every day. She’s probably scrambling to balance school and her job, knowing that she’ll have to clock back in after the hospital. She might be wondering how she can afford any of it, even with the Child Tax Credit. She’s facing judgment every day.
She is extraordinarily Heroic and Brave. She’s making a Gigantic Gift. She wants her baby to have a better life than she can give.
Our agency asked how much regular contact we wanted with our birthmom, which means what kind of open adoption we would accept. We agreed to exchange photos, letters, and in-person visits a few times per year; basically like social media but better. (For example, YES to celebrating birthdays between families.)
More family connection = more opportunities to show our baby how much they are loved and give answers about their roots. Knowing our genetic heritage is valuable to us, and our baby can best learn theirs from their birthmomma. She’s the only one who can tell our child why she gave them up.
Three common myths undermine these relationships. You are familiar with all of them, and they’re super unhealthy to assume.
Myth #1: Birthmothers don’t want continued contact with their children as they grow up. They prefer to give up the baby and forget about the event.
Busted: Come on now! Would any mother want amputation from their baby? They’re doing something selfless and generous and want to see their baby thrive!
Myth #2: Keeping the baby’s biological heritage secret is healthy. If they discovered their other family, they’ll run away!
Busted: That’s a pretty fearful point-of-view. We’re going to teach our child about their health and heritage together, starting from day 1.
Myth #3: You’re doing such a charitable thing for that poor birthmother! Your adopted child should be extra thankful for your generosity.
Busted: Lose the “savior” narrative plz. Our baby will be our child, not “our adopted child”. You wouldn’t say you have a “vaginal birth child” – you introduce your child. The courageous birthmomma is the hero of our story.
Want to learn more? Want to refer someone to our adoption agency? Check out www.AdoptionProfessionals.net, or call Sheryl at (513) 321-2229, or text (513) 478-2229. Look for the Corgan family bio under the Waiting Families page!
More updates to come!