the one with the dust bunnies

Ahem: Hello. April Goals. 

Last week, one of my extremely-helpful items on my to-do list was ‘brainstorm list of ways to make April more different.’ Which is, you know. Vague. Let’s dive into that real quick. 

FIRST UP, I feel like that implies that I’m not in a great space now, which is actually not the case? As we’ll delve into in this week’s PWB infertility update (Sunday Sunday Sunday), something’s clicked recently (medication? Sleep? Food?) and I’m actually feeling pretty good. (I’m also, not coincidentally, still not pregnant.) 

Re: the need to make the next [period of time] ‘more different’ - I’m just feeling a little stuck these days—or perhaps I’m feeling the wanting to become more un-stuck, and I’m feeling that more than I have in a while? Idk, man, I just know that spring sprung here in Cincinnati and I started to get all restless. This is probably very normal. It’s just not something I’ve felt in oh a YEAR. More, probably. 

So. Here is my list of ideas to make April more different. In a good way. This will likely be neither an SEO-friendly post nor an informative one—but I think posting this will give me some level of accountability; and I also kinda want to use this blog more often in a more journalistic capacity—both for volume’s sake and for creativity’s sake. Right now I kinda have this very high-pedestal concept of blogging where it’s like OH I have to research and outline and write and write and WRITE and then marinate and rewrite and dude, I don’t have time for that. And I kinda think more off-the-cuff pieces are more fun for me to read when other people write them? So. 

ANYWAY. Focuses for April: 

• Work-related Goal Thing: I recently had the good fortune / good sense to finally edit my client list a little bit. (My husband had to coach me through this process over a few months—intentionally severing client relationships is UM uncomfortable for me.) I wanted to do this to have more time to do super magical work for the clients I love working with, to be able to grow strategically, and to have a lil time to work on my own stuff————————e.g., to stop saying IMMA POST MY BOOK, post one chapter, and then fizzle out, or to stop posting strategically on Instagram for two weeks and then fizzle out. We’ll see. That’s not really a goal, but it is a Thing I Did, and it leads to: 

• Work-related Goal Thing: Find a way to make a) posting on here fun and interesting for me, and b) making posting on Insta more fun and interesting for me. I love doing these things when I love it, but, like, I haven’t found a way to make it sustainably interesting??? Which is important; I think that creator interest bleeds through and makes the content a lot better. And makes it more…doable…without it being a chore. I’ve toyed around with copying Cassey’s 90 Day Journey format, doing morning pages but making them public after a piece I did for Verily on … morning pages, Gretchen Rubin’s ‘just post every damn day, come on’ technique, and other formats. Ultimately I’m just gonna throw some spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks? Apologies in advance for whatever upcoming blogs feature, like, the re-organization of my closet or my attempts at iPad calligraphy. 

• Health-related Goal Thing: Manage PCOS weight loss stuff while staying happy and healthy. (I’ll throw that in a section below, because I know that’s not everyone’s thing) 

• Happiness-related Goal Thing: I, like most people, feel happier and better when I’m not mucking around in my pajamas and an unwashed face all day. So. I cleaned out my closet, made my threadbare sweats a little harder to reach, and put my nice spring-y dresses and shorts front and center. We’ll see if that makes a difference. 

• PWB-related Goal Thing: I’m SPRING CLEANING BABY. (I am a fun person!) Our spare room needs to be livable / preferably pretty by September, and our nursery needs to look good before we start (probably) pursuing adoption. 

• Life thing: More on this tomorrow but obviously I need to eat more vegetables???? And I have this long running list of kitchen / fridge makeover situations like ‘make turmeric tahini’ and ‘make hot vinegary honey’ and ‘make bruschetta mix for fridge to like just have on hand’ and I think April’s finally gonna be the month that we make that happen and I’m SO excited. Battle plan on that (and recipes and links and pics because SEO duH) tomorrow GET hyped. 

• Business thing: FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY finish my website makeover??? There are definitely still parts of this site that are randomly from the template and that's obviously not a cute look. I've been excusing myself because of burnout / covid / etc, but it's time to ... make my website something that works for me. It's the funny place that a marketing / copy / social media person tends to find herself in, I think: The whole 'spend all day doing it for someone else, feel like 10000% never doing it for yourself' situation. I'm telling myself that I can't pursue any more client relationships to replace the ones I said good-bye to this month until the website is at least ... more complete. So.

Hey look! Pictures of me. I'm fundamentally uncomfortable taking my own picture, so, in the spirit of doing uncomfortable things, here we are. Consider this a baseline, and also, proof that I didn't wear sweatpants for at least a few minutes today. (That is the shirt and sock combo I slept in, but, whatever.)

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I need to dust. And I didn't realize that the paint line in our bedroom sloped so badly? And I don't know how to pose, and with my body type if I don't cinch at my waist, I look like a cylinder. And I'm growing out a pixie, so, that's weird; and a million other disclaimers. (A novel by me.)

ANYWAY AGAIN. Here’s a baseline for the weight ish again, since it’s been a while since I’ve done this. If talking weight gain / weight loss isn’t your thing, stay tuned for other topics later and skip this section! 

I’m now at 72.4kg WHAT this is larger than I want.

Let’s add a little nuance to that statement. 

• I’m not overweight, but I prefer to be in a state where I’m maintaining or (slightly, slowly) losing weight, because that’s just … more comfortable? And better, metabolically? And it’s been a bit since I weighed myself consistently but the last time I checked I was at 69ish, so, things have changed and not in an awesome direction.

• HOWEVER, I’ve also started strength training recently - I’ve been doing it pretty regularly for almost a month, several times a week for 30-60 minutes. Which, like, DUH not all of that recent weight gain (~3kg) is muscle; that’s … optimism. 

• HOWEVER HOWEVER, I have noticed that my metabolic rate has gone up, my muscle mass has gone up, and my bone mass has gone up. Today, my husband explained to me that when you lift heavy things your bone mass increases, which??? Once I understand that I’ll write more about it, but, like, what. Anyway, these are all positive things, which I’m choosing to focus on…at least as much as the fact that my visceral fat level went up, too, which, :(. 

• Anyway, for the next week or so my health strategy is just going to be quietly watching my weight without freaking out. I’m decently sure that a kg or so of the increase came from really super indulging over Easter weekend / the week prior, and also the fact that I just morphed into my luteal phase…yesterday? Also, the 72 number wasn’t actually my first morning weight (it was more like 10:30, after coffee and breakfast, so). We’ll see what tomorrow’s weight is. STAY TUNED WHAT FUN.