Bluebeard I
Entrez—Bluebeard! This Perrault tale inspired one of my favorite books of all time (The Blue Castle, L.M. Montgomery). Let’s dig right in, shall we? If you’d like to read along, the OG story is here; this is a first-thoughts-take before we go back later for analysis and lessons learned.
I’m excited for this one – I think? I thought Cinderella was charming and comforting, in that it was mostly what I remembered; and then Sleeping Beauty was just – SO not what I was expecting – a left turn into hysterical and alarming territory, really. Bluebeard I’m a little less familiar with, and there’s no Disney Princess movie associated, so – we’ll see how it goes. Will the lack of familiarity make it funnier, or harder to snark, or what?We begin with a very rich guy. Charles provides us with an itemized list of his assets, among which are multiple houses (in suburbia and downtown), a bunch of gold, and “embroidered furniture”. Perrault’s really into embroidered things; that must have been en vogue in France in the 17th century. It sounds uncomfortable and hard to maintain, now, but that’s probably just my 21st century-ness showing.
Ah! Well. Everything was good in this man’s life, except for two things. First, he didn’t have a name. I’m getting that that’s kinda just Perrault’s way of doing things, and that he didn’t necessarily write his works with the primary intent of someone recapping them hundreds of years later, but IT DOES NOT MAKE THINGS EASY TO FOLLOW. If any aspiring writers glean one information from these, it’s—for goodness’ sake—name your characters. (I doubt this has been a point of contention, but, for those trying for something ~abstract~ or ~literary~ or ~experimental~: don’t.) It worked for The Virginian and for Fleabag. That’s done, now, and we can all move on.
Secondly (and more relevantly, for him): the very rich guy has a very blue beard.
Now, in 2019, this would be a selling point, or at the very least a conversation starter. We’d be congratulating him on his originality and creativity, and maybe a little bit worried about how employable he is…but then we’d remember he’s a millionaire and he’s fine. However, back in Before 1690, this “made him so frightfully ugly that all the women … ran away from him.”
Another point about the very blueness of his extremely blue beard, because for some strange reason I’m getting the idea that it’s going to be a central, perhaps even defining, trait for his character: People have been dying their hair for centuries. Like, back to Egyptian times. Millennia. If this was as big of a deal as he’s making it out to be, he could have died it black and no one would have ever known. ButIDigress.
Guy has a neighbor; a “lady of quality”. Fine, class systems were much more of a thing back then, I ain’t mad. This quality-lady has two daughters who were “perfect beauties”, which sounds boring. However, he ain’t mad about that: Guy (Bluebeard, the man with the beard of bleu) wants to marry one of them. He is generously planning on leaving the choice up to the mom as to which of the daughters he gets to wed.
Predictable setback: neither of the girls wants him. But neither seems to be good at effectively communicating this: “They sent him backwards and forwards from one to the other.” Not for the first time in this story, I’m sympathizing with Bluebeard. (How long will that last?)
Apparently the prospect of being married to a dude with a blue beard (hang on, he could have also just shaved) was that disgusting; but an also-interesting factoid which may have definitely also been influencing their dislike of Bluebeard was his relationship history. Guy has already been married several times, and no-one knows what has happened to any of his previous wives. You know what, I’m gonna go ahead and say that that’s a far, far redder flag than the beard thing; girls, you might have led with that.
As neither girl seems particularly inclined to give Bluebeard their hands, Bluebeard decides to go all in and date them both. And their mother, sort of. He invites the three of them, as well as “three or four ladies of their acquaintance, with other young people of the neighborhood,” to his lakehouse for a week. Sounds like fun.
The itinerary for the week-long bash involves hunting, fishing, and feasting, and apparently multiple all-nighters? “Nobody went to bed, but all passed the night in rallying and joking with each other.” This sounds awful, and I pity Bluebeard’s neighbors, who likely did not opt in to this noisy situation. Hopefully he’s rich enough to have invested in soundproofing? Or that said vacation estate is large enough that the chalet is relatively remote?
Bluebeard’s “persist, distract, entertain” flirtation strategy appears to have worked: After a few days of this revelry and sleep deprivation, the Second Daughter “began to think that the man’s beard was not so very blue after all, and that he was a mighty civil gentleman.” I mean, there’s something to be said for updated perception through connection, but I feel like a more accurate phrasing would have been something like “Boi’s beard’s still blue, but, idk, he’s alright”. Because the beard didn’t change color. Second Daughter just began, for whatever reason, to care less about it.
People in Before 1690 don’t mess around. “As soon as they returned home, the marriage was concluded.” Welp, there goes that epic love story. How long did people live in Before 1690? [RESEARCH] Life expectancy in the seventeenth century was about 40 years, and if these people are getting married, they’re at least teenagers—at least, Second Daughter probably is; Bluebeard, due to his relationship history, is likely older. So, relative to modern-day, this isn’t as hurried as it would appear. Certainly no less hurried than a Bachelor timeframe; which, actually, Bluebeard’s “Let’s all vacation together, and then hopefully you’ll love me” plot bears certain similarities to the premise of Bachelor in Paradise. WAS THIS WHERE IT ALL STARTED? For everyone’s sake, no, let’s hope that the Bachelor ecosystem isn’t based on Bluebeard, goodness.
And, on that note, we out.